CHRISTmas is more than just mistletoe and candy canes

“Advent, formed from a Latin word meaning ‘coming’ or ‘arrival,’ is about the coming of Christ. It’s the celebration of the first advent of Jesus and the anxious awaiting of His second. The season is a time for remembering and rejoicing, watching and waiting, and a time to reflect upon the promises of God and to anticipate the fulfillment of those promises with patience, prayer and preparedness.”

the real meaning of Christmas

I like to listen to instrumental music while i do my quiet time because music tunes out the world around me, but music with words distracts me. so i found a piano version of 'How He Loves' on youtube and was listening to it while doing my quiet time. when it got to the part where it says "He loves us, yeah He loves us" and repeats that, the words were turning in my mind as i reached for an advent Christmas devotion packet i got from Remedy. i didn't even open it before i just sat here in awe of the meaning of Christmas. it's not the delicious food, the fun gifts, or the huge tree in your living room. it's not even about family and friends. it's about how GOD LOVES US enough to let a human give birth to His Son here on earth. Jesus was raised on this earth, grew up in our sinful world, and died on this earth.

the miracle of Christmas...the reason why everyone should be happy during the Christmas season...is for the same reason Jesus was born: God loves us.

GOD LOVES US: all i can do is say these 3 words over and over again, but my voice alone has no power. everyone has to see it for themselves when God reveals it to them. yeah, everyone might "know" in their heads that God loves them, but it wasn't until fairly recently that God REALLY showed me the power in these 3 words...and you don't just realize it in your head: it happens in your whole body. your feet want to run, your arms want to lift toward heaven in praise, you can't stop smiling, your mouth wants to sing His praise nonstop, and your heart wants to shout with joy!!! i can't explain it, but i pray that you can experience it too.

merry CHRISTmas, everybody!!!!

two paths...

I read this on a friend's blog and loved it:

"I believe now that there are two paths in life that you can take:

1.)One path is the one God doesn't say to take and so you go through circumstances that are consequences of disobedience.

2.) The other path is God's will for your life, but instead of facing circumstances that are consequences of disobedience, you face equally difficult circumstances that are God's favor on you preparing you for greater things."

~Anna Joy Wells

don't be slow

God has made it pretty clear that the next step in my journey with Him is being a better witness to my friends. sometimes, i'm so caught up in trying to not make an awkward moment that i forget how badly they need to hear about Jesus and how He can turn their world right side up. 

i know God wanted me to hear the sermon on Sunday because, even though i overslept, He woke me up with a text message, giving me just enough time to scurry around getting ready and only getting to church about 7 minutes late. He talked about Matthew 9:35-38.

Matthew 9:37-"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few."

"The harvest is plentiful" : there are TONS of people ready to hear the gospel and give their lives to Christ. not only do they need to, but they are actually ready to.

"but the workers are few." : here's where we come in. there are 3 things this could mean

1) Christians are working really hard, but there just aren't enough of us and too many of them.

2) all Christians are laboring, but at a really slow pace. (you know you are in this category if it takes a year for someone to even ask you about church)

3) few Christians are actually "joining the labor of harvesting souls"

which one are you?

if we are being completely honest here, i'd have to say that i'm in category #2, and that's not okay with me. 

i realized today how quickly people come and go out of my life. i don't have that much time with each person. friday night, i was told that the girl across from me moved out. just like that. i knew some people were moving around, but we were all gonna stay on this hall, but this girl moved all the way to the other side of campus. i may never see her again unless our paths happen to cross randomly, and what lasting effect did i leave on her life? none. that's not okay. 

i wish i could end on a happier note, but that's all i've got for now. let's go harvest some souls..they're ready!

I AM ME

i realized something tonight: i try to hide behind someone else so much until i don't know who i am without them. if i am not with certain people, i wonder what i am even like sometimes.

i am lauren adams, the servant of the Most High God and that won't change no matter who i'm with. i'm scared of letting others see the real me, because i'm scared they won't like it. but that shouldn't even matter, because i am not on this earth to please others. i am on a mission, a mission more powerful than i can even grasp right now so i have to take it one day at a time. one step at a time. one single moment at a time.

i am starting to realize something else: i cannot see who i really am when i don't see who i am in God. He is who i am. He is the all-time best part of my life and when i try to see who i am apart from Him, i'm not seeing the real me.

so this is me:
my name is lauren adams.
i may not be what i seem on the outside all the time.
i laugh when i'd rather be crying.
i'm crazy and energetic, but i easily shy away.
most importantly, i am the daughter of the King.
my Best Friend is My Savior.
i am a treasure in God's eyes.
i am loved beyond compare by my Father.
i am a beloved bride to my Bridegroom.
i am a redeemed daughter.
I AM GOD'S CHILD/FRIEND/LOVER/TREASURE. 
THIS IS ME.

I dare you to pray this

i'm a TREASURE

last night, Marian Jordan came to speak at Girls' Night Out at Winthrop. i went just to be with friends, thinking that God was gonna just talk to the girls in relationships. i've never been in a relationship, but i've been taught a whole lot about them and i felt like i didn't need to go but i figured i would because everyone else was going and i had nothing better to be doing.

so i get there and she starts talking. she talks about basically everything that every girl struggles with at some point in life. when she was describing herself as an ackward middle schooler with frizzy hair and taller than everyone else in the school, i felt like she was describing me. i still have days where i doubt myself and i put myself down all the time. my self-confidence level is usually in the negatives, but it shouldn't be that way because i am a TREASURE to God. my Father has come to save me and He honestly doesn't care that i've spent so much time running away from Him and trying to do things on my own, He just wants a relationship with me. He DESIRES ME AT WHATEVER COST NECESSARY. it just so happens that that cost had to be His Son. He watched His Son be beaten viciously and mercilessly and He let it happen because He wants me.

i've never seen the move 'Taken' but i want to after Marian used it as an example. after warning 'spoiler alert', she explained that the movie is about this girl who is kidnapped and her father won't stop until he finds her. he kills men to get to her and risks his own life many times. when he finally finds her on a boat, she can hear the guard outside the door say, "its the girl's father and he wants her back." when she sees him, she says, "you came for me?" like she couldn't believe it or didn't deserve it. the whole time she was describing this movie, i was picturing my relationship with God and it almost brought me to tears. i don't deserve Him or His love, but He wouldn't stop until He rescued me. i was taken by my own sinful desires, trapped with no way out on my own. i asked Him last night "You came for me?" i could hardly believe it. i don't deserve it. the cost was too big, but He payed anyway.

one of my favorite words is 'redemption.' because someone explained it to me this way once:
redemption: "released on receipt of a ransom"
so what this means is this: picture a girl being kidnapped and the kidnappers call her father and tell him that he has to pay a million dollars to get her back. he does. and he gets her back. the price was huge, but he was willing to pay ANYTHING to get his daughter back.

so when i have those days when i tell myself i'm not worth anything or i'm not pretty or not good enough for anyone, i can remember this: i am a TREASURE in the sight of my Father and not even a million sins can change that.

Jesus: the ultimate example of a friend

so i'm writing a paper on friendship for Writing 101 and i was looking on the library website today. in the keyword search box, i typed in "example of a friend" and the first 2 books on the list (in order of relevance) were about Jesus. this is no accident.

He catches me

"'Lord, if it's You,' Peter replied, 'tell me to come to You on the water.'
'Come,' He said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'
IMMEDIATELY Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. 'You of little faith,' He said, 'why did you doubt?'"
~Matthew 14:28-31

as i read these verses, i saw the picture of my life flash before my eyes. i doubt Him but He tells me to "come", to come even through the wind and the rain. i keep my eyes on Him for a little while, but the storms distract me. i try to do things on my own and think i have to save myself but i quickly start sinking. i finally cry out to Jesus to save me, knowing i don't deserve it, and He doesn't hesitate a minute. He was there waiting all along, letting me try it on my own because i pushed Him away and said "i've got this." but He knew i would keep sinking and eventually cry out in distress because i would realize i'm not strong enough, so He waited patiently until i called on Him so He could reach out His hand and catch me.

God seen through other people

God is the best planner i know. some things happen and there is just no explanation other than He planned it perfectly!

i read one of my friend's blogs today. she had 2 that i hadn't read yet and i read both of them. both talking about something different, but both convicting me. 

a couple weeks ago, someone let me borrow a little book called "40 days with Jesus." it's 40 pages of Jesus talking specifically to us and it's Scripture based. so i opened it to read a page after i read my friend's blog and on this specific day, on this little page, it talked about BOTH of the topics my friend talked about in her blog. woah! (sometimes, you can tell when God wants you to learn something because it keep popping up everywhere you turn!)

one of those topics is God's crazy love for us. and yes, i mean CRAZY.

according to dictionary.com, crazy means: "senseless; impractical; totally unsound"

God shouldn't love me. i don't deserve it. it seems like an impractical love, which is why it's so amazing that He DOES love me. He doesn't care that it would just be easier to throw me in hell to get what i deserve, but His love is so much stronger than justice.

nothing but the blood of Jesus

as i was just reading a page in "40 Days With Jesus", i was reminded that no matter what i do, it's okay. it's not OKAY, but it's okay in the sense that God cares about me too much to condemn me for it. i always feel like i HAVE to do the right thing...like a religion. i treat my relationship with God like a religion. i'm not saying it's okay to sin. i'm saying salvation is not our burden. we've been rescued from our ugly way of living, but i act like i need to repay God with good deeds when really He just wants my heart. ALL He wants is for me to FALL at His feet. to LEAN on HIM and TRUST HIM. He will take care of the rest. sure i will still have hard times, but they will be SO much more bearable with Him than by myself.

"the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin." ~ 1 John 1:7b

notice it doesn't say "our great works purify us from all sin." [man would i be in trouble then]

no...NOTHING but the BLOOD OF JESUS!

Beware of Christians

tonight, i went to see the movie "Beware of Christians." i would definitely encourage everyone to see it. i sat there convicted of several things while i watched it.

first of all, how amazing is the gospel?! i can't remember who said this, but i remember a while ago someone said that they have to wake up each morning and re-teach the gospel to themselves. it's SO easy to forget or take it for granted. WE WERE DEAD IN OUR SIN. SO JESUS DIED FOR US. why? BECAUSE HE LOVES US THAT MUCH! we should tell ourselves this every morning to start our day off with the right mind set. i know, personally, i get too wrapped up in what i'm going to do that day that i just jump right into it forgetting the purpose God has for that very day. it's not to have fun. not even to have a good day. not to glorify myself. but to glorify God. the only One worthy of any glory.

i love my Christian bubble. a LOT. it's where i'm comfortable so i prefer to stay there. it's where i grow closer to God with others. which is great but God has a purpose for putting unsaved people in my life. i can't hide in my comfort zone. i want to be so heartbroken for the lost that i would do anything God wants me to do...even if it means leaving my comfort zone for a little bit...for Him to use me in their lives.

there is also the very fine line of when NOT to talk about Christ and just SHOW them His love. i don't want to seem too pushy and shove them away, but at the same time, i don't want to take that too far and never witness. i was saved when i was 8 years old so i don't really know what it feels like to be on their side. so i feel kinda lost and confused and i don't know what to do or say, but this is where i just need to trust God and rely on Him.

i have been convicted recently that i need to stop judging people. if someone comes up to me and starts telling me about how they went to a party the other night, they don't want to hear someone preach to them. even with little things, i know that it really bothers me when i tell someone about something i know i did wrong and i already regret it but they still make it obvious through their facial expressions that they don't approve. (but realize there is a difference between that and being a great friend who tells me when i need to change something.) i want to be someone people can talk to about anything, but at the same time i don't want to accidentally encourage any sin.

so basically, i'm struggling with the fine lines. it's way easier to pick sides....either a strong, pushy believer who shoves Jesus down everyone's throat or someone who looks exactly like the world, joining in with them and agreeing with everything. i don't want to look like the world, but i want to be compatible with it if that makes any since. in other words, i don't want to be like them; i just want to be their friend who they know is there for them whenever they need me.

i think the hardest part of being in the world and out of my comfort zone is trying not to let it steal me farther away from my Father. that's why a core group of Christian friends is so important. i can't let the world become my comfort zone. how can i be "IN the world, but not OF it"? it's hard, but who ever said being a Christ-follower would be easy? however, God is right next to us the whole time. He won't ever leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).

so tonight has brought some new challenges, trials, and unanswered questions, but what's life without them? i know God is using them to grow me and make me more like Him, so it's all good! at the beginning of today, i was planning on spending the night at home, which would have meant leaving right after the movie. i ended up staying on campus tonight and i was able to process some of these thoughts out loud with some people. about that time, my mom sent me a random text saying that she missed me but that she was so thankful i was where God wanted me to be and i was thinking 'you have no idea!'

Why Song of Songs?

i've always wondered why the book of Song of Songs is in the Bible. i mean, what is there to get out of it? it's just a book about 2 lovers. but i was wrong. monday night in Bible study, we looked at Song of Songs 5:2-8 and  it's amazing what we got out of it. it's not about our relationship with God, but it paints a beautiful picture of what it looks like. first of all, God is my lover and i am His (2:16). i saw the beautiful picture of Him chasing after me with all His heart. when i have those days when i don't think i'm pretty, God is looking at me cherishingly and saying "How beautiful you are, My darling! Oh, how beautiful!" (4:1a) in this verse (read the rest of it), i can just hear the passion in the lover's voice as he can't stop admiring her. i hear the desire in his voice just to be with her no matter the cost. in our case, they cost is the cross.

in 5:4 ("My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening"), i can see in my life where i have locked the door of my heart to God, but He thrusts His hand through and won't let me be alone. He chases after me. i know every single girl in this world has had the dream where a guy chases after her with all his heart because he just can't stand to live another second without her. That's what i see here. my Lover is chasing after me because, even though He doesn't need me and CAN be without me, He WANTS me and DESIRES me with ALL His heart. you wanna know how i know that it was with ALL His heart? He sent HIS SON to die for me. i've always known that i will come in 2cd to a parent's own kid, but in this case, God loves me JUST AS MUCH as His Son...His ONLY Son. He was willing to watch His Son suffer for ME. so that He can have me as His child also.

5:8 ("O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you - if you find my lover, what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love.") i want to be 'faint with love'. as one of my Bible study leaders said, i want to be "lovesick" for Him. i want to get to the point where, if i am not chasing after God with ALL my heart, i HAVE to get back to that point NOW. i want to run with all my might to my Lover until i jump into His arms and never leave. there is an old song that goes like this: "if i could just sit with You a while. if You could just hold me. nothing could touch me though i'm wounded. though i die" if i could sit in God's lap, i would never want to come back. i would never want to get down. i want Him to just hold me. i don't want to do anything else but sit in His lap. no worries. no pain. nothing else important enough to do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUZZbFTNRXI&feature=related

praise and prayer night

last night was "praise and prayer" night at CRU and it was AMAZING!! God taught me several things:

1) you know how when someone gives an invitation, they say something along the lines of "if you wanna know more about what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, (fill in the blank)"...well i think this is something that Christ-followers need to hear too. i've had a personal relationship with Christ for 10 years now (today is my spiritual birthday...well from when i was baptized. i don't know my actual spiritual birthday) and i take it for granted every single day. i forget what it really means to have a PERSONAL relationship with Christ. i've been so big on friendship for several years now. friendship is huge to me. i've been striving to be a better friend here on earth, but what about my friendship with Christ? why does my friendship with Him have to suffer because i know that He will always be there when i come back to Him? i think sometimes i'm scared to put God first because other people aren't necessarily always gonna wait for me, but i know God is. but that should make me want more of HIM rather than more of the people who i know will fail me, shouldn't it?

2) while we were singing, i was so focused on my singing voice because i didn't want the people next to me to hear me screech or something if i stopped focusing on it. but i realized my focus wasn't where it should have been. i needed to be focusing on God. so i stopped singing out loud. i stopped listening to MY voice and i could hear GOD'S voice. 


     okay so i was just thinking how awesome it would be if there was a verse about how singing out loud isn't what matters, that it's what's in your heart that matters and right when i was thinking there's no such verse, God showed me this one:
            "Sing and make music in your HEART to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." ~Ephesians 5:19b-20


3) i was sitting against the wall in the back spending time with just me and God. no one else around. while we were singing "holy holy holy" (the earth is Yours by Gungor), i couldn't help but to picture Heaven and get really excited. i sat there with my head bowed in reference and my hands raised in worship singing "holy holy holy" and wondering if that's what it will be like in Heaven.

    "Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under his wings. Day and night they never stop saying:
                                                 'Holy, holy, holy
                                               is the Lord God Almighty,
                                            who was, and is, and is to come.'"
     ~Revelation 4:8
(i encourage you to read verses 9-11 too. they are a powerful picture of what worship should look like)

as i sat there towards the end with my hands raised to the God Almighty, my arms started hurting but i really didn't want to put them down. but then i realized something. in Heaven, there is no pain! i can worship my Father with my hands raised for all of eternity and NEVER get tired!!!! how awesome is that?!!

"I love YOU"

i went to Fall Getaway with cru this weekend and i want to share something i journaled while i was there:

i'm at Fall Getaway at camp thunderbird sitting on rocks, feeling the water soak through my tennis shoes. as i reach down to play in the water, i find a single shell. i almost put it back to find a bigger one, but then i realized how much in common i have with this small, insignificant shell. it looks like all the rest, but is so unique. there is not a single shell in all the world exactly like this one. people overlook this little shell all the time. it's "just another shell" they may say. "what's so special about it?" 

even in the midst of billions of people, hidden in a crowd, when i might think "what's so special about me? i'm just another person", God notices me. and He doesn't JUST notice me and pass me by. He DWELLS on me, DESIRING a PERSONAL relationship with small, insignificant me. that will never grow old. i will never get tired of God grabbing me, looking me straight in the eye, and saying, "I love YOU." He does this daily in many ways that i too often overlook. it may be as simple as waking up in the morning with the realization that no matter what happens today, "all is well with my soul." 

the unfathomable love of Christ

"Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: 'Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.'" Galatians 3:13

I don't think i realize just how much Christ gave up for me.

His dignity.

His body.

His comfort.
His life.

He was scared.

Beaten.

Broken.

He was even cursed for me.

His blood splattered everywhere.

Spilling out of His wounds.

I can't imagine the pain.

I can't fathom the love.

I can't give Him enough.

My love.

My time.

My worship.

it's never enough.

He accepted that before time began.

He already knew.

But He wanted me anyway.

He DESIRED ME.

He loved me.

He would do anything to have me.

...so He died for me. 

how could i forget that so often?

the ways God gets our attention

so recently, i would say i've been obsessed with facebook. every extra few minutes i get, when i could be using it to write someone a letter, do homework, or get in the Word for just a few extra minutes, i get on facebook. i've been thinking about how i need to make sure to make enough time for God pretty early in the day rather than pushing off my devotion. the thought had passed my mind to give up facebook for a little while, but i didn't really dwell on it long. but tonight, my roommate starts telling me how she has been praying for me in general (pause. God has provided me with the best roommate ever!) and she said that maybe i should fast from facebook for a week. i love it when 2 people are convicted of the same thing because it confirms that it was God. so i'm taking a week off facebook starting now!! and everyone reading this knows so i can't back out now!

not an everyday conversation

i just had a really great/heartbreaking conversation with a guy that i just met at lunch. i'm friends with this girl and he is friends with her boyfriend, so we all ate lunch together. our friends both had classes like 15 minutes later, so it was just the 2 of us for about another 30 minutes. we got into deep discussion about God and our different beliefs. the whole time i was pouring my heart out to him and telling him how God has changed my life, i searched for just the right words to make him really GET IT. it's heartbreaking to see that he still doesn't get it even after i told him how great God is. i'm so glad that God put this passion in my heart for the unsaved, but at the same time, it hurts to watch people be so ignorant when it comes to real life. This is the 2cd time that i remember that God really showed me that it's HIM that does the work in peoples' hearts. not ME. while we were talking, all i wanted to do was make him get saved. i didn't even care that he had a choice. i just wanted him to really GET IT and get it now. but i felt so helpless and weak.

he told me several stories about "christians" who have pushed him away from church and believing that christians are different. he said that his family left church because a minister told them that absence is sickness (this was after they were out for about 2 weeks with the flu). also, his mom's co-worker claims to be a christian, but is too lazy to do her work so she pushes it on his mom. it's these everyday life things that seem so small that make a difference. i tried to explain that real Christ-followers aren't like that and that so many people claim to be christians and act like hypocrites. i wish that people would stop ruining the reputation of true Christ-followers by saying they are christians but acting like the world. i don't blame him for looking at some people and choosing not to want Christ after seeing what they live like. it makes me look at my own life, though. do i live like i should daily? do i go over and beyond to help a person in need and show them love? that's what Jesus did, so why shouldn't i?

i tried explaining that it's what's in our hearts that matters. too many churches are so obsessed with rules that they get buried in their own rules and forget to look at their hearts. i wanted him to see that it doesn't matter what churches tell him or how other people act...it's about us and God. nothing else.

yes, it is heartbreaking, but God was at work. several times during the conversation, i asked God to speak through me (because i knew my words weren't enough) and maybe He did. maybe i just can't see it yet.

PLEASE PRAY FOR HIM. he really just needs prayer right now. he doesn't know what to believe and watching other "christians" is just making things worse. please pray that God will send people His way to show him what true Christ-followers look like. and please pray that God will continue to use me in his life if that's in His perfect will and that i will be obedient.

what's in a name?

who really knows my name? when i meet someone, do they remember it a second later or did they just ask my name to be polite? i think a lot of people, including me, tend to do the latter.

"rejoice that your names are written in heaven." luke 10:20b

when nobody else remembers my name, God does. in fact, He goes a step farther...MY NAME is written in HEAVEN-the perfect place where God sits on His throne!!! it's so comforting when i think of how God looks down and sees billions upon trillions of people...but not just as a group; as individuals. He knows ME AND YOU personally and better than anyone else does. when i can't even interpret my own feelings (which is pretty often...like ALL the time!), God knows them. i've heard the phrase "He knows me better than i know myself" so many times, but there is so much truth to that. He knows me for me. and you know what's crazy? if He really knows me deep inside, then He can see all the billions upon trillions of sinful things in me...BUT HE STILL LOVES ME!!!!

i can't try to earn His love by hiding what i don't want Him to see, because He sees it all. every "little" sin. everything. and it may sound strange, but i love it that way and i wouldn't want it any other way. when i talk to Him, i don't have to pretend to be someone that i'm not. actually, it makes me want to go a step farther and be more genuine. i don't want Him to look at me and be disappointed if my actions don't match my heart. i want my heart to change and my actions to be the overflow of my heart. and that's the way it should be. actions are deceiving. i mean think about it. we can make ANYONE believe ANYTHING about ourselves. but i want people to know the real me...not some fake lauren i show them.

God knows the real me. and He is really the only One that matters anyway. so HE is the One we should be striving to impress...not other people.

so the next time you are worried about people remembering your name, remember that there will ALWAYS be at least One that does! and not just anyone....your Creator, your Savior, and your longer-than-life-long Friend.

i wanna get lost

"i wanna get lost; i wanna get lost in Your arms. i wanna get lost and lose my way into Your heart. 'cause there's so many voices telling me how to get lost in this life, but right now, i wanna get lost before i lose myself." ~Sanctus Real "i want to get lost"

there are so many distractions in this life. they aren't even all bad things. for me, i've recently been wondering if i'd be willing to give up exercise for Christ. i don't think He is calling me to, but He has been challenging me... would i really give up ANYTHING for Him? i want so badly to feel good about myself, but what if i don't have time for exercise AND my devotion one day. which one will i pick?

Life definitely has it’s way of sneaking up on me. One day, i think it’s all good…the next, I’m questioning my loyalty to my Savior. why does this have to happen?  why can't i just stay crazy in love with Him 24/7 and not even have to ask myself these questions?


i just wanna get completely lost in Him and not have to see anything else because i'm so lost.

one thing i love about God is that He makes us get out of our comfort zones. He knows what will grow us much better than we do. Even though it hurts and is confusing sometimes and we don't necessarily enjoy it, it's what's best. 


have you ever imagined life without trials? honestly, i don't think i would like it. i have learned most of the things i've learned in life because of trials i have been through. yes, they are hard, but they make me into the girl God wants me to be...and i want to be that girl. 


so...
1) embrace trials. 
              
                "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4


2) strive to be who GOD wants you to be...not who OTHERS want you to be. that's not satisfying.


                 "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
               
             *so to strive to be who God wants us to be, we have to also look at our hearts.*

"Break my heart for what breaks Yours"

“Say to them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die, O house of Israel?” Ezekial 33:11

When I read this Scripture, I just felt the crazy passion that our Lord has for us and I was blown away. I think a lot of the time, we just forget about how God feels about the lost. How would YOU feel if you created beings to worship you and they didn’t even care about you? I don’t know God as well as I want to, but I think that when God sees a lost person, He doesn’t only think about how much He wants them to worship Him (that is the reason why we are on this earth after all), but I think He also thinks about how they aren’t getting the best out of life. And I know that God wants us to get the best out of life. (“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10) and I think it breaks His heart.

As I was looking at this Scripture, it was like God was telling ME the same thing….”Turn! Turn from your evil ways!” I have been praying for a while now that God will “break my heart for what breaks His.” [Hosana by Hillsong] That is my heart’s desire, but my flesh is fighting it. Every time I sin, it breaks God’s heart…every “little” lie, every judgemental thought I dwell on, every mean word, etc…  if God is my Best Friend, how come I break His heart so easily sometimes? I want that to break my heart to the point I would do ANYTHING to keep from breaking God’s heart. 

love: not just a word

someone posted this on their blog and it really hit home. mcmillan's version is a little bit different than the newer versions. instead of "oh how He loves us," he says "woah how He loves us." while he was singing it, it made me feel like he was saying "WOAH. let's just stop a minute and stand in awe...HE LOVES US."

one of my favorite things he said in this video was this:

"the love i'm singin' about in that song is...not a pretty, clean, it's not a Hollywood, hot pink love....it's a kind of love that's willing to love things that are messy and willing to love even the difficult and...gross...things"

also, check out how excited those people are at the end of the video as they sing about God's love for them!!! it makes my heart happy every time i watch them!!

no more puddle!!!

last night, some girls were praying for a worship service that we are having tomorrow night on campus. we went out to the ampitheater (where the service will be held). they have been doing this for a week, but i just went last night.

one of the things we were praying for was for God to hold off the rain tomorrow night and even dry up the ampitheater so people will be able to sit. we have a rain plan, but we would be limited to something like 467 people and we want as many as possible.

before we started praying, we saw this HUGE puddle.... like it was HUGE!... we said it was more like a pond than a puddle.

after we finished praying, we look over and it was completely GONE....no more puddle.

sure, there was a drain, but i see it as God showing us that He is faithful, answers prayer, and has an all-mighty plan that i can't wait to see! God is powerful and He has big plans for this worship service. i pray that lives will be forever changed because of what God does in their lives tomorrow night.

i love the wind

the wind reminds me of God. (i know i've blogged about this before so i'm sorry if i repeat some things.)

last night, there was a group praying at the Winthrop aphitheater for Winthrop worship night. as we were praying, i felt the strong wind and was comforted. it reminds me that God is there right with me...that i don't have to stand there in silence with no movement around me. i am not a life without purpose. all around me, all the time, God is moving...just like the wind. and sometimes, my purpose is to simply stop and feel the wind and know He is there, moving, never at rest, yet never worn out.

today, i was walking out of class and the wind was really heavy. of course my first reaction was fear that it would mess up my hair...(not that it would be a big deal today because it's already kinda a mess! haha) but then i remembered last night. i remembered what wind meant to me. i started singing "He is jealous for me. love's like a hurricane. i am a tree bending beneath the weight of His WIND and mercy" in my head. 

i love the wind, because when it is here, nothing seems still or lonely. i feel like it holds me up and helps me go. when it's not, i feel that awful stillness.

our God IS able!!!

“Our God will fight for us!” Nehamiah 4:20b

I just got on youtube and was gonna worship to the song “Our God is Able.” i couldn't wait to worship! The video kept messing up though. It was a little frustrating, but I didn’t let it get to me. I knew that if this was satan trying to mess with me, God is stronger. Although satan is very real, I don’t have to be afraid!!! Because GOD IS ABLE!!!

“The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1

There was another video of that same song that worked almost perfectly. So I sat in my room by myself and worshiped my God who is able!!!!

the right place in this foggy world

have you ever just felt right with the world?

what's in your everyday life? judging others, being judged, worrying about what you look like, how you act, how to cover up your sins so people don't notice, stressing over work or school, etc. the list could go on and on and we all do it every day.

i was worshiping this morning in church and KNEW that this is what i was created to do. it just felt right. for years, worshiping has been one of my favorite things to do. not because i'm a "great Christian" ...(because i'm NOT), but because it's the way God made us...it's our purpose in life. not only on this earth, but we will continue it in Heaven for all of eternity (i am so excited!). it's what we were created to do. it's the reason we were even made.

As we were singing "Jesus paid it ALL. ALL to Him i owe. sin had left a crimson stain. He washed it white as snow," i got that wonderful feeling ...and it was so powerful... that HE is my life. HE is the One i want to live for. i told Him to have ALL of me and i meant it with ALL my heart. it's one of the greatest and my favorite feelings i could ever have and i want others to know this feeling. i honestly don't think i could bare life without Him. there are some things that i don't enjoy, but can bare them and this is NOT one of them. i am crazy in love and it's the greatest feeling i've ever known!!!

worship isn't just for church though, "it's a lifestyle." it involves every second of every day. our actions, our thoughts, our REactions should all glorify God.

"Worship: 

it's like breathing

we were born to do it

all the time

it's a lifestyle"
(i'm sorry...i don't know who said that)

o how He loves!!!

tonight at CRU, we sang "How He loves." this has to be one of my all-time favorite worship songs! i could barely get the words out. i had to stop singing every once in a while just to catch my breath!! have you ever been so happy that you feel all the emotion in your throat and it's hard to sing?!?!

just thinking about it blows my mind... GOD LOVES ME!!!! what?!?! i don't even know what else to say, because this truth leaves me speechless! no matter who i am or what i do, God loves me. GOD loves ME!!

dwell on that for a while...think "what did i do to deserve it?" when i answer that question, the answer is 'nothing.' so why does He love me?..... honestly, i don't know. which is one of the reasons why it's so great that He does.

my cup overflows!!! :)

so first of all, if you haven't read my last 2 blogs, please do, because this is the 3rd blog out of one big major God-story!!! :)

so today i was thinking about how wonderful it is that God has given me Christian friends, but i was also thinking about how i only had like 3 and i was worrying that i wouldn't get anymore. (pause...i'm so stupid. God has provided way more than i ever expected and i find myself worrying again??? what??? un-pause.) so i was gonna get up and do my devotion in the morning, but i ran out of time before meeting people for breakfast and church. then i did homework this afternoon and remembered at kinda the last minute that i had to read for computer science so i did that this afternoon. so i finally head out to do my devotion in the lobby of my 2cd floor tonight at 9:30, but there was a girl on her cell phone so i didn't wanna do it there, because i wanted somewhere i could be somewhat alone with God. so i go down to the lobby on the first floor and sit down. less than 30 seconds later (not even exaggerating), a girl walks up and asks what i was reading. (she had seen my Bible study book called "Lord, teach me to study the Bible in 28 days" and i had my Bible and other stuff with me too) so i tell her and then i show her "Crazy Love" that i've been reading for a while now. She had never heard of it, so i explained that it is about God's crazy love for us. She seemed really interested in it and told me how she had brought a lot of books like that too. when i asked her if she is a Christian, she (very enthusiastically) said something like "OHHH YEAH!!! a complete Jesus-freak!!!" i was like "ME TOOO!!!" and so we started talking....for 2 HOURS!!! we talk about pretty much everything. we both spill our hearts the whole time and talk about what a huge difference it makes to have someone you know you can tell absolutely anything to!! she talked about how crazy she is about God and i could see the joy spilling out of her when she talked about our God!!!! we even kinda did a little random "Jesus is awesome"dance!! haha!! we could hardly believe it when we saw that it was 11:30!!!!

right when i think i've seen enough; when i think God has provided enough for one week, He proves me so wrong!!!

"my cup overflows" psalm 23:5

Christ-like love...for real!!

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10

When i got to Winthrop, i knew that i wanted to get involved with a ministry on campus, but i didn't know which one. it was kinda overwhelming, actually, because there are so many options. So i signed up for lots of them, but one tried harder than the rest to get me involved. a girl from CRU called me and actually invited me to hang out with her so she could tell me more about it. i was kinda shocked about that, but was way excited. so i met up with her and another girl and they both really got to know me like they sincerely cared. i could see the love of Christ shining out of them! it was great! it was one of the most amazing nights ever! then they invited me to a dinner that CRU was having tonight and everyone was super nice. one of the girls and a  lady that works for CRU made sure that another freshman and i felt welcome all night. seriously, we NEVER had to sit there in ackward silence!! Afterwards, this girl was going to my residence hall to talk to someone at the front desk, but she was so far behind me. i heard her call my name and tell me to wait because she wanted to walk with me. WHAT?!?! i know that seems really minor, but dinner was over and she didn't have to talk to me, a little ol' freshman, but she did. and she didn't just talk to me because i was right next to her or anything, but she ran across a field to talk to me. i still can't believe how much of Christ's love i saw from them! it was like nothing i've never experienced before. these may seem like such small things, but they meant the world to me. i left last night and tonight thinking that i wanted to be just like them. it's amazing how God has provided role-models for me on campus and it hasn't even been a week since i moved in!!

glory be to God!!! :)

God IS in control!!! :)

the number one thing i was worried about starting college: meeting true friends that are believers.

everyone i met that i thought i might be friends with start cussing like crazy and i get disappointed thinking that i'll never meet good friends. so i would pray asking that God would give me those great, Godly friendships. i've had to tell myself several times that God is in control and He has a plan for me. that truth has comforted me beyond belief. i just need to keep my head up and watch Him provide...and He did!!!

so i was in my ACAD class on saturday morning and we were playing a game. we had skittles and we had to choose a couple colors and answer a question that went along with the specific color. purple was "name something unique about you." now most of y'all know that i am not always very bold in big groups of people that i don't know, but i could feel God telling me to let these people know who i REALLY am, so i raised my hand and said something along the lines of "something unique about me is that i love Jesus. i'm kinda obsessed!" my instructor laughed a friendly laugh and we moved on, but little did i know that i got someone's attention.

today i was eating lunch with my roommate and we were almost done and probably about to head back to our room when this girl walked up and said she noticed me from our ACAD class and asked if she could eat with us. Later, she told me that the second i said that in front of the whole class, she was like "i've gotta meet this girl!" It turns out that she is a believer too!!! (pause. isn't it amazing how it "just so happened" that she saw me in the caf with extra seats at my table?!!)  after my roommate left to do something, another girl walked up and asked if she could sit with us. it turns out that she is also a believer!! so we sit there for another 30-45 minutes talking about what we believe and telling each other the stories of how we got saved. it was amazing!!!

i give all the glory to God. He always provides and will never fail me!!! :)

so why do i still have doubts sometimes? solution: TRUST IN HIM. just FALL on Him. and know that He will take care of you and me.

"'For I KNOW the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to give you HOPE and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I WILL LISTEN TO YOU. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord"
~Jeremiah 29:11-14a

"Change in the Making"

I remember graduation Sunday; standing there and looking back on my life; remembering myself as a little 6th grader still trying to figure out how to do life. Now i'm going to college and starting a whole new section of my life. on one hand, i am super excited and on the other hand, i'm scared. what if i get so caught up in life that i let God go? what if i completely mess up? that's not going to happen though...but not because of me- because my God cares too much about me to let that happen. afterall, seeing who God really is, how could i not want to strive after Him?

i remember that Sunday like it was yesterday; standing in awe of God because i would not be who i am today without Him. i would still be that little girl at heart trying to figure out how to do life. i am not perfect at life and never will be. i am still trying to figure it out somedays, but when i see who i am in Christ, there is no question. i am here for Him and i have a purpose wherever I go. Winthrop won't know what hit it when God shows up with me on Friday to move in!

i find so much comfort in Jeremiah 29:11-14a "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord"

God has a plan for me. I am not just something He made to roam the earth and waste its life. He made ME for a reason. and He made YOU for a specific purpose! In Him, i have a purpose that the Creator of the universe has for little ol' ME.

it's not until i look back at my life that i see how much God has really done in my life. and it amazes me to know that He has done so much more than i can see right now! You wanna know somethin' else? He isn't done yet. If He were, I would be dead. As long as i'm alive, there is a reason.

Can we please just take a moment to praise Him?!?! i love Him so much!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yU2drg8FtBg

We are all God's wonderful changes in the making! Can you imagine what God would do if we would wake up everyday and say, "no specific requests right now, God, just do what You want with me today, whatever will bring me closer to You."

simple?

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." Genesis 1:1

one of the "simplest" verses in the Bible- or is it?

can YOU create the heavens and the earth? I certainly cannot. i don't know about y'all, but i am majorly guilty of taking everything for granted.

another example is John 3:16 "For God SO loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." Probably the most stated and memorized verse of the Bible, but do we REALLY think about what it means? GOD LOVES YOU! again, those seem like such simple words, but they are the most amazing words i have ever heard in my 18 years of living. The same God that created the heavens and the earth in Genesis 1:1 loves YOU AND ME!!!! :) i don't even know what else to say. i just wish we could all stop and be in awe of our Creator and Lover. like i said, i am guilty of taking everything for granted and continuing life like my freedom in Christ is free when the truth is that is cost more than i can imagine.

If you don't remember anything else from this, remember that God loves YOU more than you can possibly know!

nothing left to be prideful about

One thing God taught me at Student Life Camp is that i have been looking at life all wrong. i have been struggling with pride and this was my thought process: "if i get closer to God, i will just be even better than everyone else so how do i do that without getting prideful?" and that is all wrong. i would try to get myself to be humble, but obviously that failed since i did it with my weak self (who thinks she is stronger than she really is!). but God put a thought in my head at the beginning of last week: what is my "good" scale made of? who is on it? because if i am comparing myself to the world, it is hard to not think i'm good because i live for the Lord and don't drink or cuss or any of that. but if i compare myself to the perfect, holy, and GREAT God, i am absolutely NOTHING and i have NOTHING to boast about. GOD gave me my talents and strengths, HE has given me the boldness when i witness, and everything else "i" have done for His kingdom is not me at all. i am just the messenger, simply the girl He chose to use. i have done nothing but give my life to Him. and when i really look at my life, it could be SO much better than it is. so no, i am not great, i am nobody, and i like it that way because God deserves ALL the glory and ALL the praise.

student life 2010 memories

i am leaving in less than an hour to go to student life camp so i feel like this post is appropriate. i found this letter that i had written to myself last year at slc. i can even picture the scene in my head where i wrote it. i was one of the last people done because i had a lot to say to myself-some good, some bad.

anyway, here it is:

lauren,
   God has worked in me SO much this week. Maybe even the most He has in a while because recently i haven't let Him until a few weeks ago at staff camp then mullins. DON'T BLOW THIS! DON'T BLOW YOUR LIFE ON ANYTHING LESS THAN PERFECTION! God is the only perfect being. Everyone else WILL let you down, but not God. No, He will sustain you and keep you going IF YOU LET HIM! God wants your submission to His Will. Remember Student Life Camp when He taught you that jealousy and selfishness are too much for you and you will always be brought down by them unless you give them to God. God can carry that burden because He is all-powerful and your Strength. You can't. [Psalm 68:19] Remember how powerful and great the Bible - God's letter to YOU - is! Read it, meditate on it, and keep it in your heart - very close to you. Memorize it because it is life-changing. Remember how you wrote to have a better quiet time in last year's letter too. that's pathetic. DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN! Remember what God told you that day on the rec field - "lean on Me, hard; I'll hold you, you just lean HARD." God loves you and doesn't want you to go through life aimlessly. Press on toward the goal (Philippians 3:13-14). God loves you more than you can ever imagine. Do this...for Him because He loves you and cares for you so much that He SAVED YOU!      GOD loves YOU!     WOW!
psalm 68:20

God loves you!
<3 lauren

i skipped part of it because it said i should live for Him as a present to Him, but i don't agree with that anymore. a present is something you give someone just because you can but you don't have to. i don't feel like it's right to say that we live for Him as a random favor to HIM because it's the other way around. God loved us first.
"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19

i encourage everyone to take time every once in a while to write themselves a letter to read several months or even a year later. i truly believe it can help us grow. i admit that it is hard for me to set aside a little bit of time to do that but God has definitely used this letter to convict me of some things. Don't let yourself forget the wonderful "little" moments in your life that God shows you something life-changing. i know i had forgotten some of these things in this letter...things i thought would change my life but i let slip away.

Life is too short.

I didn't know Jimmy but i am praying for everyone who did. It always comes as a shock to me when a student my age dies though. What if next time it's me in the car wreck? Every time a student dies, i am reminded that life is short. Maybe the rapture will even happen soon. but i think to myself, 'am i ready to leave this world? have i truly done my job here on earth?' and i have to say no. i am not ready yet because i want my God to look at my life and say, "This is My beloved [daughter], in whom I am well-pleased." (Matthew 3:17) I know that I will never be as great as Jesus, but I can certainly be more like Him than i am now.

Now don't get me wrong: I would certainly LOVE to be in Heaven right now rather than this pain-filled earth, but i only have ONE life, only ONE chance to change the world for Jesus Christ.

the path, the journey, and then the Destination

"Jesus answered, 'I am the way...'" John 14:6

I am kinda new at being able to drive places without my parents telling me where to turn and which lane i need to be in. I was so used to it that when they began to let me do it on my own, i realized that i need to constantly have my mind on the destination. the same is true in life. my destination is Jesus Christ. if i take my mind off Him, i will miss my turn and keep following the main road that everybody else is on. I've seen a lot of confused people on that road and i don't wanna be on it.

I am about to head to college: a whole new experience for me. I don't know exactly where it will take me and what's in store for me but i do know that my destination will never change. my destination will forever be Jesus Christ.


"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14

the PASSION of the Christ

a while ago, my small group got together and watched the Passion of the Christ together. it made a huge impact on me because i am a visual learner. anyway, here are some thoughts i had that week.:

tonight, i watched "the Passion of the Christ" with my small group. it is life-changing. the whole time i was watching Christ be beaten, flogged, spit on, mocked, bruised, broken, and so much more, i couldn't stop thinking, "this is what MY sin did to Him. this is my SAVIOR and my KING that is being broken...and He did it just for ME." He did not come to save me like a mythic hero or prince charming. Instead, He came humbly, and He died a humble and embarrassing death for me. the people doing this to Him thought that THEY were the ones in power and they thought THEY had control of Him and that is the way it looked, but that is all wrong. I believe that Jesus suffered WILLINGLY for me. He had a chance to run away before the soldiers got to Him on the Mount of Olives. He knew what was coming...He had warned the disciples at supper only a few hours before. As i watched Him progress through the suffering and get even more and more hurt and bloody, i wondered why He didn't just call on an angel to come save Him from it. He knew it was God's will that He die. He knew that His death would save us. I heard someone once say something like this:

Why do we always try to take the easy road? what if Jesus had taken the easy way out? where would we be now?

let's talk a little bit more about humility. my calculus teacher told my class that no matter how long you talk or what you say, people always leave you remembering the very last thing you said. The Last Supper was one of the last chances Jesus had to teach them before He died. and what did He talk about? not how great He would be for taking the punishment for all of our sins, not how scared He was about suffering and dying; He didn't complain to them about how He wouldn't have to do this if we hadn't ever sinned. Instead, He talked about humility. He says,

"The kings of the gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? BUT I AM AMONG YOU AS ONE WHO SERVES." Luke 22:25b-27

I can't even begin to imagine what this was truly like for Jesus. I complain about paper-cuts...this suddenly seems extremely minor and worthless. Comparing a paper-cut to Jesus' pain is like comparing the size of a speck of dust to the size of the Golden Gate Bridge...maybe more so. During one scene, i had to blink almost every time He was lashed because it was almost too unbearable just to watch...I cannot even come close to imagining that agonizing pain.

I am in awe of the fact that God loves me so much that He willingly let His only Son, Whom He loved immensely, to suffer unbearable pain for ME, just for little ol' me. I think that's one of the things i love most about "the passion of the Christ"...how it shows me a little better how much my Heavenly Father really loves me. I still cannot fathom all of His love for me, though!!!

As i watched one of the scenes as Jesus suffered, i remembered the title of the movie: the PASSION of the Christ. Passion is an intense word. it means "strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor." God DESIRES you. think about that...GOD, the Maker of everything, the Creator of the universe, the One who provides salvation for the world, the One greater than everyone put together, the One powerful enough to do anything He wants to, powerful enough to not need me or you...He DESIRES you.

God desires YOU!!!
  

we are conquerors

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Romans 8:37 NIV

This has been one of my favorite verses for a while now (along with verses 38-39). Check out the NASB version:

"But in all these things we OVERWHELMINGLY conquer through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37 NASB

God doesn't just let us barely get through this world. With Him, we "OVERWHELMINGLY conquer" tribulation, distress, persecution, hardship, etc (vs. 35 both versions)

With God, we have no in between. It is either to conquer through Jesus or to die with the world. Life is hard and it will never get easier, but i find peace in the fact that through Jesus Christ, my Savior, I can conquer it all. and no matter how much I  mess it up, "I am convinced that neither DEATH nor LIFE, neither ANGELS nor DEMONS, neither the PRESENT nor the FUTURE, nor ANY POWERS, neither HEIGHT nor DEPTH, nor ANYTHING else in ALL CREATION, will be able to separate" me "from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (verses 38-39)

I wish i could say something right now to express my wonder and awe for my Redeemer, Healer, Savior, and Father, yet Friend but there are no words for it.

God is my wind.

Today, i went for a run in this beautiful weather (but i confess that I walked most of the way!). As all of you who were outside at all today know, it was crazy windy!!! As I was walking down a hill to lake wylie, I felt something that I had never felt before: the wind was so windy that i felt like if i had tried to sit down, it would hold me up. I felt like it was a chair giving me a place to rest. I felt like the wind was literally holding me and wrapping its arms around me. I immediately thought about how I have recently just wanted to sit in God's arms, snuggle up to Him, and never get up. I think God sent me that wind as a reminder that He IS holding me!

On my walk back, I was thinking about how easy it was to walk when the wind was pushing me. But when the wind stopped for a second and i had to do it on my own, it seemed harder. I cannot walk the journey of life alone. I need Someone more powerful; Someone who knows what is ahead to guide me and to hold me while i walk this journey. God is that person. i can always rely on Him. However, if I try to turn the other way and push against Him, the journey is harder. It requires more of my own strength. I can no longer use the "wind's" strength because i am going in the opposite direction.

God is my wind, and He will never stop blowing. I will never again have to experience walking my journey alone. My Wind is the strength that keeps me walking.

yes, God loves us THAT much!!!

so this is a mix between my words and Francis Chan's words...
picture God saying this to you (and insert your name if you would like):

"Even though YOU,____, are guilty, I will send MY OWN SON as a sacrifice so I can have YOU as My BRIDE, as My DAUGHTER, as My LOVER, as My friend. I want you THAT badly!"

if that does not blow your mind, i don't know what does! God wants ME??? God wants me that badly??? i have been putting myself down my whole life, but GOD, the Creator of the universe, the One who wants to be my Lover, the One who gave His Son to be the perfect sacrifice as if He had sinned Himself (that is in a song somewhere), loves ME and wants ME!!! i honestly don't know why and i cannot comprehend why He would love me that much after all I have done to Him and after all the times I have chosen my own sin over Him (watch the Francis Chan video...He shows us that in Scripture), but He does and it makes me madly in love with/ in awe of Him! I wish I could describe the way my heart feels, but only God can make you feel this kind of love for Him.

"When Sin Looks More Enjoyable Than God"

Life-changing...

So on Tuesday night, a mentor/ role model of mine told me that she was giving up all media for a couple of days, and I thought that was really cool and kinda considered it, but I knew deep down that i probably wouldn't do it. Then I was thinking that it might be cool to give up all media except for music because I love music too much...God knew what I was thinking and less than 5 minutes later, she said that she thought she was going to give up everything except for music but decided not to!!! (and she had a really good reason that hit me but i can't remember what it is right now) Ok, so this is the first "WOW GOD" moment out of too many to count!!! So I get home that night and decide to "think" about it...you know that kind of "think" when you say you are thinking about it, but you know deep down that it's just an excuse not to do it? Well...I felt that tug from God! so i decided to do it. now, this was a huge step for me. i know i am fine without tv and facebook, but no music??? music is pretty much my life...I haven't gone a day without music since i can remember. I did, however, allow it in the car because I felt like it was not fair to make my family make a sacrifice for me. Also, the main reason i needed to give it up was to keep me from getting distracted by it at home rather than doing something more productive. So i decide to go 2 days without media (i confess..i didn't include cell phone in this. being in calculus and having other responsibilities, i feel like that is ok for now).....

Tuesday night, I was happier than i had been in a long time. Giving up music meant more to me than just not listening to music. As a kid, all i wanted to be was a singer. Every extra second i get, i listen to music. I used to listen to it for 10-30 minutes before going to sleep. I hadn't realized how much it had become a huge idol in my life that kept me from God. I always worried about putting music above God and i am afraid that i have probably done that innumerable times. The reason i was so happy was that, to me, giving up music meant complete and total surrender. It meant giving up my favorite hobby ever for my Savior. It is the one thing i wasn't sure i could give up, even for God. That night, I knew that I am truly willing to do anything for God!!! I don't know if all of this sounds kinda minor, but music had become such a huge barrier in my relationship with God that I had been blinded to and it needed to stop. I needed to change.

Wednesday:
So the day starts out normally except that I don't have any music to listen to while i get ready for school. This did give me extra time to start my day off properly -in His Word. Obviously, school wasn't different. But when I got home, i got really stressed (i ALWAYS go to music when i get stressed). I think i remembered something my mentor had told me about going to God's Word rather than anything less satisfying, so I decide to get into His Word a little bit to de-stress myself. Honestly, that was the quickest de-stressing I have ever done and it was 100% satisfying! That night, I had a really great devotion. I made it through one day and was already feeling closer to my Savior!

Thursday:
This has to be one of my favorite days i have ever lived! My day started out like Wednesday did, and i even had time to start my day in His Word again! But when I got home, I felt that tug to start my afternoon by reading God's Word, but only 5 minutes was not enough this time. No, instead, i spent about 30 minutes....most of which i was just praying and worshiping Him. My heart was in full-out worship mode and I just could not stop praying! I sat there speechless with an indescribable awe for the perfection, majesty, and wonder of my Father...amazed that I can even call Him my Father! I experienced the greatest joy i have had in a long, long time! I was amazed when i had that time with God, finished all of my written calculus homework, and had dinner...all before 5:30 (when i had to leave to babysit). I usually cannot finish all of my written calculus homework before I go anywhere and this time I had 30 minutes less than usual!!! This blows my mind! only God can do that!! That night, I spent almost an hour and a half listening to a Jeremy Kingsley podcast-stopping it to take notes or find something in the Bible; doing it to change, not to finish (as Jeremy Kingsley says). So, altogether, whereas i usually find it hard to get 30 minutes of Jesus-time into my schedule, I spent almost 2 hours with Him AND babysat for almost 2.5 hours AND got my homework done AND got to bed at the same time that i usually do!!! all i can say is ONLY GOD!!!

So, today I didn't have to go without media, but i still hardly listened to music. I am afraid of going back to they way i was, so i am trying not to listen to as much music anymore. I spent over an hour alone with God today and i have this renewed love for Him that i can't explain!

So how did this experiment change me?
-1. I definitely learned that satan can (and WILL) use anything he can (even Christian music) to keep me from growing spiritually. Yes, Christian music is great, but not when i put it above God Himself.
-2. If you are truly willing to give your time to God, i believe that He will give you the time. (however, this does not mean that you will not have to give up anything)

I want for y'all more than anything to experience the indescribable joy that i have in my heart right now! please try this for just a couple of days:
-take away everything that is keeping you from spending time with God
-every extra free second you get, spend it with God.
i am not perfect at this...trust me! but i can testify that it WILL change your life!