RAW

this is the theme song of my life.

fear. insecurity. lies. PRIDE.

all of these keep my wall up between me and the rest of the world.

community: "A group of people living together in one place, esp. one practicing common ownership"

in this case, our common owner is our Lord Jesus Christ. in fact, the word "lord" literally means master.

as one body of Christ under one master and owner, we are a community. 

so what does community look like in my eyes? RAW. 

my dear friend decided this is the perfect word for this situation. i didn't really understand what it meant at first. i just kept picturing raw steak, and i just couldn't fit the pieces together in my mind to compare myself with raw meat. so i looked up the definition...

raw: "In its natural state; not yet processed or purified" .....WOW!! 

THAT'S what God wants. THAT'S what our community needs to stay alive.

raw. before we clean ourselves up. before we put on our "happy face" for the day. before we make our lives look perfect. before we pretend we are "good Christians".

raw. nasty. gross. impure. slimy. unattractive. as is.

come as you are!

who would eat raw chicken? not me! but Jesus can handle it. in fact, He DESIRES it. we don't have to "put on a face" for Him because He already knows. HE ALREADY KNOWS!! but wait for the good part...not only does He know, but EVEN THOUGH HE KNOWS, HE LOVES US. HE STILL WANTS US!!!

John 7:53-8:11 is a story that most of us have heard before. a woman was caught in her sin and brought literally naked to Jesus. as humiliating as this was for her, that's what we need to do. the starting point is here. before we can defeat our pride, we must come before our Father completely robbed of our dignity and everything that makes us think we are okay. WE ARE NOT OKAY. we are in DESPERATE need of a Savior. 

have you ever felt an emotion so big you can't do anything but fall on your knees and scream? cry out to your Father in pure desperation for Him. yes, i am already a believer. i know i am going to Heaven. but it's so much more than that. it's daily recognizing that i can't do anything of worth on my own. it's realizing that i can't save myself. in fact, i need to be saved FROM myself and my sinful nature. 

while singing in worship, i take my shoes off as a reminder to throw everything off of myself and come before my Father with JUST ME. rip everything off until there is nothing left. no hindrance, no pride, no fear of popularity, nothing but me. it's my crying "GOD, I'M DONE! these things aren't enough for me. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I NEED YOU!"

last night, i remember in prayer to God, i couldn't say these words enough. i could NOT stop saying them: "I. NEED. YOU. GOD, I NEED YOU."

so this is raw before the Lord. 

how does raw look in community? 

STOP HIDING. i'm sick of it. i'm sick of my own wall i've put up and it's so hard to break it down. i can't keep putting on an act in front of my community of believers who care about me.

i feel like i'm always prying things out of other people because i truly care about them and want to know be there for them, but they don't feel worthy. but i've been there, am still there, and am trying to dig myself out of this place. i can't do it alone. i need my Savior to keep saving me from myself and my pride. and i need my community to be raw with me.

"Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the 
calling with which you have been called,
with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love,

being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling;

one Lord, one faith, one baptism,

one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all."

~Ephesians 4:1-6