- i left home to go to college
i was scared and nervous, but SO excited to start this new stage of life. little did i know, it would change me drastically.
- i made new friends
when i started college, i NEVER expected to find friends as great as these lovely people. i was TERRIFIED of being lonely in college, but i've never felt so loved by such a community before.
- i attended a different church
i wasn't so sure how well my search for a church would go. i've always held everything i heard to the standard of first baptist church, fort mill. this church was everything to me growing up. but i've realized that even though i still absolutely love that church, it is not perfect and other churches can be just as great. i have found a church where i learn something new (or am hit in the face again with something i've already learned) from God each Sunday. i get so excited about church, not because some of my best friends go with me, but because i know that God has blessed that church for me and uses it to teach me what i need to hear.
- i became intentional about relationships
i used to be friends with whoever reached out to ME. but i have learned how to reach out to OTHERS. and those people usually become huge blessings to me. i have learned how to genuinely care about others and show them that i care.
- i realized i didn't have the personality i thought i did (or TRIED to have)
i've been living my life with the same people since i was 2 years old. so when i saw myself, i saw that awkward little lauren that i didn't like and i thought that was who i am. but it's not. i came to winthrop and realized that nobody knows my past; nobody has expectations for me. i could choose who i wanted to be.
- i found the real "me"
this has to do a lot with the last section about finding my personality. but a few weeks ago i was thinking...college is where i get to find out who i am, right? so who am i? i couldn't really answer that question yet because i was thinking about personality. my personality is not done changing, but that doesn't define who i am. I AM A SERVANT OF CHRIST, HIS DAUGHTER, HIS LOVER, HIS FRIEND. i realized that the ONLY times when i really know who i am is when i completely hide myself in Christ.
- i am bold.
what?! it's hard for me to see myself and who i am from an outside perspective. i see that timid, shy lauren that probably only said 10 words to her kindergarten teacher the whole year. someone wrote me a letter recently and listed some of my characteristics. the last one was "bold". i just re-read that letter and stopped there for a minute. whenever people describe me, i get the usual "sweet," "nice," "kind," etc. and sure, those are fantastic, but "bold" has never been in that list. i love it. i WANT to be bold for Christ.
- and now some of the new people i met are graduating and/or moving
i was SO excited about my new community that God gave me. everything was going so great...and then came the end of the year. people were graduating and/or moving. one of the last cru meetings, we prayed for all of them as they are about to begin a new journey... somewhere else. i hated it. i absolutely hated it. i was mad at God for taking them away from me. then He reminded me that HE was the One who gave them to me in the first place. and it was so incredible to have them in my life for the short time that i did. and i am sure i will see them all again someday. God also showed me that i was pulling away from Him to try to make room for them for the few last weeks of school; He convicted me that i wasn't making room in my heart for Him because i was terrified of losing my new community.
bottom line...God has been there through it all. i have been absolutely terrible about making Him part of my everyday life. but even when i reject Him, He stands there with open arms for whenever i'm broken and realize my need for Him. through all the change this past year, i couldn't have made it without Him. i wouldn't have had such an incredible first semester without Him and i wouldn't have survived my second semester without Him.
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