praise and prayer night

last night was "praise and prayer" night at CRU and it was AMAZING!! God taught me several things:

1) you know how when someone gives an invitation, they say something along the lines of "if you wanna know more about what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, (fill in the blank)"...well i think this is something that Christ-followers need to hear too. i've had a personal relationship with Christ for 10 years now (today is my spiritual birthday...well from when i was baptized. i don't know my actual spiritual birthday) and i take it for granted every single day. i forget what it really means to have a PERSONAL relationship with Christ. i've been so big on friendship for several years now. friendship is huge to me. i've been striving to be a better friend here on earth, but what about my friendship with Christ? why does my friendship with Him have to suffer because i know that He will always be there when i come back to Him? i think sometimes i'm scared to put God first because other people aren't necessarily always gonna wait for me, but i know God is. but that should make me want more of HIM rather than more of the people who i know will fail me, shouldn't it?

2) while we were singing, i was so focused on my singing voice because i didn't want the people next to me to hear me screech or something if i stopped focusing on it. but i realized my focus wasn't where it should have been. i needed to be focusing on God. so i stopped singing out loud. i stopped listening to MY voice and i could hear GOD'S voice. 


     okay so i was just thinking how awesome it would be if there was a verse about how singing out loud isn't what matters, that it's what's in your heart that matters and right when i was thinking there's no such verse, God showed me this one:
            "Sing and make music in your HEART to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." ~Ephesians 5:19b-20


3) i was sitting against the wall in the back spending time with just me and God. no one else around. while we were singing "holy holy holy" (the earth is Yours by Gungor), i couldn't help but to picture Heaven and get really excited. i sat there with my head bowed in reference and my hands raised in worship singing "holy holy holy" and wondering if that's what it will be like in Heaven.

    "Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under his wings. Day and night they never stop saying:
                                                 'Holy, holy, holy
                                               is the Lord God Almighty,
                                            who was, and is, and is to come.'"
     ~Revelation 4:8
(i encourage you to read verses 9-11 too. they are a powerful picture of what worship should look like)

as i sat there towards the end with my hands raised to the God Almighty, my arms started hurting but i really didn't want to put them down. but then i realized something. in Heaven, there is no pain! i can worship my Father with my hands raised for all of eternity and NEVER get tired!!!! how awesome is that?!!

"I love YOU"

i went to Fall Getaway with cru this weekend and i want to share something i journaled while i was there:

i'm at Fall Getaway at camp thunderbird sitting on rocks, feeling the water soak through my tennis shoes. as i reach down to play in the water, i find a single shell. i almost put it back to find a bigger one, but then i realized how much in common i have with this small, insignificant shell. it looks like all the rest, but is so unique. there is not a single shell in all the world exactly like this one. people overlook this little shell all the time. it's "just another shell" they may say. "what's so special about it?" 

even in the midst of billions of people, hidden in a crowd, when i might think "what's so special about me? i'm just another person", God notices me. and He doesn't JUST notice me and pass me by. He DWELLS on me, DESIRING a PERSONAL relationship with small, insignificant me. that will never grow old. i will never get tired of God grabbing me, looking me straight in the eye, and saying, "I love YOU." He does this daily in many ways that i too often overlook. it may be as simple as waking up in the morning with the realization that no matter what happens today, "all is well with my soul." 

the unfathomable love of Christ

"Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: 'Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.'" Galatians 3:13

I don't think i realize just how much Christ gave up for me.

His dignity.

His body.

His comfort.
His life.

He was scared.

Beaten.

Broken.

He was even cursed for me.

His blood splattered everywhere.

Spilling out of His wounds.

I can't imagine the pain.

I can't fathom the love.

I can't give Him enough.

My love.

My time.

My worship.

it's never enough.

He accepted that before time began.

He already knew.

But He wanted me anyway.

He DESIRED ME.

He loved me.

He would do anything to have me.

...so He died for me. 

how could i forget that so often?

the ways God gets our attention

so recently, i would say i've been obsessed with facebook. every extra few minutes i get, when i could be using it to write someone a letter, do homework, or get in the Word for just a few extra minutes, i get on facebook. i've been thinking about how i need to make sure to make enough time for God pretty early in the day rather than pushing off my devotion. the thought had passed my mind to give up facebook for a little while, but i didn't really dwell on it long. but tonight, my roommate starts telling me how she has been praying for me in general (pause. God has provided me with the best roommate ever!) and she said that maybe i should fast from facebook for a week. i love it when 2 people are convicted of the same thing because it confirms that it was God. so i'm taking a week off facebook starting now!! and everyone reading this knows so i can't back out now!

not an everyday conversation

i just had a really great/heartbreaking conversation with a guy that i just met at lunch. i'm friends with this girl and he is friends with her boyfriend, so we all ate lunch together. our friends both had classes like 15 minutes later, so it was just the 2 of us for about another 30 minutes. we got into deep discussion about God and our different beliefs. the whole time i was pouring my heart out to him and telling him how God has changed my life, i searched for just the right words to make him really GET IT. it's heartbreaking to see that he still doesn't get it even after i told him how great God is. i'm so glad that God put this passion in my heart for the unsaved, but at the same time, it hurts to watch people be so ignorant when it comes to real life. This is the 2cd time that i remember that God really showed me that it's HIM that does the work in peoples' hearts. not ME. while we were talking, all i wanted to do was make him get saved. i didn't even care that he had a choice. i just wanted him to really GET IT and get it now. but i felt so helpless and weak.

he told me several stories about "christians" who have pushed him away from church and believing that christians are different. he said that his family left church because a minister told them that absence is sickness (this was after they were out for about 2 weeks with the flu). also, his mom's co-worker claims to be a christian, but is too lazy to do her work so she pushes it on his mom. it's these everyday life things that seem so small that make a difference. i tried to explain that real Christ-followers aren't like that and that so many people claim to be christians and act like hypocrites. i wish that people would stop ruining the reputation of true Christ-followers by saying they are christians but acting like the world. i don't blame him for looking at some people and choosing not to want Christ after seeing what they live like. it makes me look at my own life, though. do i live like i should daily? do i go over and beyond to help a person in need and show them love? that's what Jesus did, so why shouldn't i?

i tried explaining that it's what's in our hearts that matters. too many churches are so obsessed with rules that they get buried in their own rules and forget to look at their hearts. i wanted him to see that it doesn't matter what churches tell him or how other people act...it's about us and God. nothing else.

yes, it is heartbreaking, but God was at work. several times during the conversation, i asked God to speak through me (because i knew my words weren't enough) and maybe He did. maybe i just can't see it yet.

PLEASE PRAY FOR HIM. he really just needs prayer right now. he doesn't know what to believe and watching other "christians" is just making things worse. please pray that God will send people His way to show him what true Christ-followers look like. and please pray that God will continue to use me in his life if that's in His perfect will and that i will be obedient.

what's in a name?

who really knows my name? when i meet someone, do they remember it a second later or did they just ask my name to be polite? i think a lot of people, including me, tend to do the latter.

"rejoice that your names are written in heaven." luke 10:20b

when nobody else remembers my name, God does. in fact, He goes a step farther...MY NAME is written in HEAVEN-the perfect place where God sits on His throne!!! it's so comforting when i think of how God looks down and sees billions upon trillions of people...but not just as a group; as individuals. He knows ME AND YOU personally and better than anyone else does. when i can't even interpret my own feelings (which is pretty often...like ALL the time!), God knows them. i've heard the phrase "He knows me better than i know myself" so many times, but there is so much truth to that. He knows me for me. and you know what's crazy? if He really knows me deep inside, then He can see all the billions upon trillions of sinful things in me...BUT HE STILL LOVES ME!!!!

i can't try to earn His love by hiding what i don't want Him to see, because He sees it all. every "little" sin. everything. and it may sound strange, but i love it that way and i wouldn't want it any other way. when i talk to Him, i don't have to pretend to be someone that i'm not. actually, it makes me want to go a step farther and be more genuine. i don't want Him to look at me and be disappointed if my actions don't match my heart. i want my heart to change and my actions to be the overflow of my heart. and that's the way it should be. actions are deceiving. i mean think about it. we can make ANYONE believe ANYTHING about ourselves. but i want people to know the real me...not some fake lauren i show them.

God knows the real me. and He is really the only One that matters anyway. so HE is the One we should be striving to impress...not other people.

so the next time you are worried about people remembering your name, remember that there will ALWAYS be at least One that does! and not just anyone....your Creator, your Savior, and your longer-than-life-long Friend.

i wanna get lost

"i wanna get lost; i wanna get lost in Your arms. i wanna get lost and lose my way into Your heart. 'cause there's so many voices telling me how to get lost in this life, but right now, i wanna get lost before i lose myself." ~Sanctus Real "i want to get lost"

there are so many distractions in this life. they aren't even all bad things. for me, i've recently been wondering if i'd be willing to give up exercise for Christ. i don't think He is calling me to, but He has been challenging me... would i really give up ANYTHING for Him? i want so badly to feel good about myself, but what if i don't have time for exercise AND my devotion one day. which one will i pick?

Life definitely has it’s way of sneaking up on me. One day, i think it’s all good…the next, I’m questioning my loyalty to my Savior. why does this have to happen?  why can't i just stay crazy in love with Him 24/7 and not even have to ask myself these questions?


i just wanna get completely lost in Him and not have to see anything else because i'm so lost.

one thing i love about God is that He makes us get out of our comfort zones. He knows what will grow us much better than we do. Even though it hurts and is confusing sometimes and we don't necessarily enjoy it, it's what's best. 


have you ever imagined life without trials? honestly, i don't think i would like it. i have learned most of the things i've learned in life because of trials i have been through. yes, they are hard, but they make me into the girl God wants me to be...and i want to be that girl. 


so...
1) embrace trials. 
              
                "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4


2) strive to be who GOD wants you to be...not who OTHERS want you to be. that's not satisfying.


                 "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
               
             *so to strive to be who God wants us to be, we have to also look at our hearts.*

"Break my heart for what breaks Yours"

“Say to them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die, O house of Israel?” Ezekial 33:11

When I read this Scripture, I just felt the crazy passion that our Lord has for us and I was blown away. I think a lot of the time, we just forget about how God feels about the lost. How would YOU feel if you created beings to worship you and they didn’t even care about you? I don’t know God as well as I want to, but I think that when God sees a lost person, He doesn’t only think about how much He wants them to worship Him (that is the reason why we are on this earth after all), but I think He also thinks about how they aren’t getting the best out of life. And I know that God wants us to get the best out of life. (“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10) and I think it breaks His heart.

As I was looking at this Scripture, it was like God was telling ME the same thing….”Turn! Turn from your evil ways!” I have been praying for a while now that God will “break my heart for what breaks His.” [Hosana by Hillsong] That is my heart’s desire, but my flesh is fighting it. Every time I sin, it breaks God’s heart…every “little” lie, every judgemental thought I dwell on, every mean word, etc…  if God is my Best Friend, how come I break His heart so easily sometimes? I want that to break my heart to the point I would do ANYTHING to keep from breaking God’s heart. 

love: not just a word

someone posted this on their blog and it really hit home. mcmillan's version is a little bit different than the newer versions. instead of "oh how He loves us," he says "woah how He loves us." while he was singing it, it made me feel like he was saying "WOAH. let's just stop a minute and stand in awe...HE LOVES US."

one of my favorite things he said in this video was this:

"the love i'm singin' about in that song is...not a pretty, clean, it's not a Hollywood, hot pink love....it's a kind of love that's willing to love things that are messy and willing to love even the difficult and...gross...things"

also, check out how excited those people are at the end of the video as they sing about God's love for them!!! it makes my heart happy every time i watch them!!

no more puddle!!!

last night, some girls were praying for a worship service that we are having tomorrow night on campus. we went out to the ampitheater (where the service will be held). they have been doing this for a week, but i just went last night.

one of the things we were praying for was for God to hold off the rain tomorrow night and even dry up the ampitheater so people will be able to sit. we have a rain plan, but we would be limited to something like 467 people and we want as many as possible.

before we started praying, we saw this HUGE puddle.... like it was HUGE!... we said it was more like a pond than a puddle.

after we finished praying, we look over and it was completely GONE....no more puddle.

sure, there was a drain, but i see it as God showing us that He is faithful, answers prayer, and has an all-mighty plan that i can't wait to see! God is powerful and He has big plans for this worship service. i pray that lives will be forever changed because of what God does in their lives tomorrow night.

i love the wind

the wind reminds me of God. (i know i've blogged about this before so i'm sorry if i repeat some things.)

last night, there was a group praying at the Winthrop aphitheater for Winthrop worship night. as we were praying, i felt the strong wind and was comforted. it reminds me that God is there right with me...that i don't have to stand there in silence with no movement around me. i am not a life without purpose. all around me, all the time, God is moving...just like the wind. and sometimes, my purpose is to simply stop and feel the wind and know He is there, moving, never at rest, yet never worn out.

today, i was walking out of class and the wind was really heavy. of course my first reaction was fear that it would mess up my hair...(not that it would be a big deal today because it's already kinda a mess! haha) but then i remembered last night. i remembered what wind meant to me. i started singing "He is jealous for me. love's like a hurricane. i am a tree bending beneath the weight of His WIND and mercy" in my head. 

i love the wind, because when it is here, nothing seems still or lonely. i feel like it holds me up and helps me go. when it's not, i feel that awful stillness.

our God IS able!!!

“Our God will fight for us!” Nehamiah 4:20b

I just got on youtube and was gonna worship to the song “Our God is Able.” i couldn't wait to worship! The video kept messing up though. It was a little frustrating, but I didn’t let it get to me. I knew that if this was satan trying to mess with me, God is stronger. Although satan is very real, I don’t have to be afraid!!! Because GOD IS ABLE!!!

“The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1

There was another video of that same song that worked almost perfectly. So I sat in my room by myself and worshiped my God who is able!!!!

the right place in this foggy world

have you ever just felt right with the world?

what's in your everyday life? judging others, being judged, worrying about what you look like, how you act, how to cover up your sins so people don't notice, stressing over work or school, etc. the list could go on and on and we all do it every day.

i was worshiping this morning in church and KNEW that this is what i was created to do. it just felt right. for years, worshiping has been one of my favorite things to do. not because i'm a "great Christian" ...(because i'm NOT), but because it's the way God made us...it's our purpose in life. not only on this earth, but we will continue it in Heaven for all of eternity (i am so excited!). it's what we were created to do. it's the reason we were even made.

As we were singing "Jesus paid it ALL. ALL to Him i owe. sin had left a crimson stain. He washed it white as snow," i got that wonderful feeling ...and it was so powerful... that HE is my life. HE is the One i want to live for. i told Him to have ALL of me and i meant it with ALL my heart. it's one of the greatest and my favorite feelings i could ever have and i want others to know this feeling. i honestly don't think i could bare life without Him. there are some things that i don't enjoy, but can bare them and this is NOT one of them. i am crazy in love and it's the greatest feeling i've ever known!!!

worship isn't just for church though, "it's a lifestyle." it involves every second of every day. our actions, our thoughts, our REactions should all glorify God.

"Worship: 

it's like breathing

we were born to do it

all the time

it's a lifestyle"
(i'm sorry...i don't know who said that)

o how He loves!!!

tonight at CRU, we sang "How He loves." this has to be one of my all-time favorite worship songs! i could barely get the words out. i had to stop singing every once in a while just to catch my breath!! have you ever been so happy that you feel all the emotion in your throat and it's hard to sing?!?!

just thinking about it blows my mind... GOD LOVES ME!!!! what?!?! i don't even know what else to say, because this truth leaves me speechless! no matter who i am or what i do, God loves me. GOD loves ME!!

dwell on that for a while...think "what did i do to deserve it?" when i answer that question, the answer is 'nothing.' so why does He love me?..... honestly, i don't know. which is one of the reasons why it's so great that He does.