trusting everything to God

God is so wonderful! He has worked so much in my life the past couple of weeks and i guess i just wanna share what He has done. i hope it helps someone.
the first day at staff camp i was just feeling kinda left out but don't get me wrong...it was my own fault because i didn't really try that hard. anyway, God told me that i don't have to try to fit in and that i don't need anyone or anything in my life. no matter how much i love my friends (and i do have some incredible friends), God is all i need. the first night of worship, rush of fools played and i don't even know how many songs were about God being all i need, but there were a lot! music is my favorite way to worship and God used that to show me how stupid it is to rely ONLY on people to feel loved when i have a God that is with me ALL the time without fail! when we got to celebration the next morning, the first song they played i think was 'Your Grace is enough' and there were many more throughout the week!
so then we get to mullens and i get a chance to continue trying to live out what i learned at staff camp about not needing people around me all the time. although i did have some amazing worship times, i still felt like me and God were not that close. though i think i was getting close enough that satan got afraid. first of all, some things that frustrate me are 1) when i can't find something that i really want right then 2) someone elses old chewed gum on anything of mine and 3) BUGS! well, i was getting up in the morning to do my devotion and i can't find my sweatshirt. i finally found it in the locker room, but i think i was getting kinda frustrated. then i get my slc notebook to bring it to my devotion and it was set on gum. i sit down to do my devotion and a HUGE fly gets on my sleeve. i shoo it away and it comes back right away. no matter how many times i shoo at it, it doesn't leave me. at this point i wanted to cry i was so frustrated. so i went to my mom (who was also doing her devotion) and she shooed it away for good then i went back to do my devotion. i don't know if that really was satan, but i honestly think it was. devotions have almost always been a struggle for me and still are. but i decided that it wasn't going to get in the way of my devotion that morning so i sat down and had a pretty good devotion.
throughout the week, God laid on my heart the fact that i get jealous too easily. i was talking with a friend about her and God spoke to me through her. she said that sometimes there are things in between us and God that we need to get rid of. God hit me really hard right then and immediately the 2 words that came to mind were selfishness and jealousy. i realized that the reason i hadn't felt that close to God that week was because my selfishness and jealousy were in the way. i was so happy that i couldn't stop smiling and i actually started crying. i very very rarely ever cry when i'm happy but i guess i just saw God in that so much and i loved it.
also, something someone said at mullens stuck out to me. they said that instead of saying "show me, God, and i'll do it", we should be saying "i'll do it, God, now show me what it is that You want me to do". that's like Isaiah 6:8-9 "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!' He said, 'Go and tell this people: ...'" God wanted someone to do something for Him. Isaiah volunteered before he even knew what God wanted him to do. Isaiah says "Here am I. Send me!" he doesn't say "tell me what it is and i'll see if it fits in my schedule." It's hard for me sometimes to trust my future wholly to God and then just follow. i like to be in control. and i know that probably everyone else feels the same way sometimes. It's just like i need to trust God to be everything i need. He's the only One that will NEVER let me down or make me feel unloved! sometimes i may feel like He let me down, but that is when i focus on what i THINK is best instead of what God KNOWS is best.