The Ultimate vs. The Immediate

The cause of 

most of man's 

unhappiness 

is sacrificing 

what he wants most 

for what he wants now 

-Gordon B. Hinckley-

Redeeming Love

Reading the book Redeeming Love [by Francine Rivers] makes my heart ache for that kind of love. so pure. so genuine. so passionate. so undeserving. I can just feel it...the warm embrace of a man who makes me feel safe, who takes me away from all that's bad in this world with just one glance, someone i know loves me with such passion that he forgets to breathe when he looks at me.

Then I realize that I already have that love. And like Sarah/Angel/Amanda, I don't just fall into this coveted love because I am waiting for a catch. I'm still trying to understand it. So I keep my distance. I can't count how many times I've tried to run away from God. For whatever reason...whether i felt too ashamed of my own sin to be with Him or maybe it just hurt too much to let someone get that close within me. Maybe I'm afraid this is too good to be true or maybe I'd just rather be in control of my own life so I can keep from getting hurt.

I always question whether love is genuine. Love has failed me time after time and will continue to fail me as long as my desire is for the world to love me. But then occasionally, I find a love on earth that seems too good to be true. And yet i know it's true because when i look into their eyes i see nothing but love, when i break they cry for me, when i'm too afraid to say that i'm not okay they say it for me. And that's when i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a God who loves me.

The key word is love. when i see purely selfless love in the middle of this self-centered world, I know there is a God. When I see love despite all the times I've hurt God, I know He is my hosea, my redeeming Love.